Mumblings . . .

Just need a moment to complain. Reminisce about the good old days when I was younger (middle school area) and certain people were IT.

I struggle so much on the 4th of July, as that's not only the day we laid my mom's ashes in the garden, but the day that used to bring me so much joy. The day that summer was all about. Extended family, four generations celebrating on my favorite island, with the ocean view all around us and the activities never-ending. Now that my mom has passed on and the property we stayed on got sold, the feeling of being lost at sea weighs heavily on me as this date approaches, even more so on the actual day.

I mean, I know that there's fun to be had in other ways on this day, but I LOVED our routines, our traditions. Prepping food the day before. Participating in the race around the island with the locals, then hitting up the parade (either on the sidelines or in it!), enjoying a wonderful potluck of food with the extended family, beach time or football/volleyball/soccer, all to end with cars loaded up with excited cousins and blankets to watch the fireworks. What could be better? I loved how close everyone was, how we talked all day long, with everyone, and played with everyone.

Some days, I wish I could be 7 again. To be free to run around with no responsibility. To be oblivious to the family drama and to just have fun.

I think the hardest part is that I always wanted this routine for my own kids, but that won't be the case. It's a dream that I'm watching slowly drown year after year.

I hope you have a better 4th of July than I am.